Wonderings of a mad Ico

The truth of my being.

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 22:03:00 -0600

When does it become too much work to try to solve some problem? I truly wonder. Especially when a person involved in the problem misunderstood one time, and then continued to make assumptions that a person is being an asshole. When, in fact, they had been the one being the most fair out of each side. So this person passes along all the assumptions and negative feelings towards myself to a mutual friend, one of my two best friends. Now this friend, she takes everything this girl says to heart, and simply because of one occurrence which shouldn’t actually mean as much as it has been stretched to mean. Due to these assumptions being passed along, the target of all the abuse is turned into a monster in each person’s eyes, no matter how far from the truth it may be. The result of such an image is this person being completely and utterly ignored, no matter how much they may try to argue for their own sake, because to other people, other arguments don’t have any place whatsoever. Once people say what they believe, that’s it, they refuse to listen to any other views.

To put it simply. Life is unfair, people over assume things far too often, and the person who tries so hard to stay neutral will always take the blame and abuse.

Sad, but true.

damn

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 03:08:38 -0600

Gotta hate it when two of your friends come to steal your sister and don’t even mention you… deoression 1 happy 0

What's the point?

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:50:02 -0600

It’s obviously evident to me now that one of the ONLY FUCKING PEOPLE that I want as my best friend wants absolutely nothing to do with me. And it sucks. Maybe because I think, but the only thing I’ve ever fucking wanted to do is bake, not go out and fuck, not become close like before. Before was not nothing, but it wasn’t so significant that I would honestly still be hung up over it. The two situations ARE similar, unless you think about it like a dense fool who only believes in what they see initially. How the situations ended was similar, barely anyone knew anything, ended as friends, and in situation 1, closer than before, in situation 2, person B is completely and utterly forgotten, replaced, treated like nothing more than a dirty rag to be thrown away. Maybe because I refuse to take sides in the other situation. I will NOT be wrapped around ANYONE’S fucking finger!! It’s an interesting concept, when people refer to indecision, it’s more a “I’m looking for someone to make decisions for me” situation. I just have a feeling that this break is going to be as I thought. I’m going to be alone pretty much the entire time until family times. Always a shitty feeling when you know that your best friend is trying to ignore you again and don’t know why.

I might as well just disappear…Pretty clear since I never get talked to.

I wonder why I try sometimes

Sun, 18 Dec 2011 00:41:00 -0600

Whenever I hope that maybe, just MAYBE we can hang out, it just so happens that I disappear from the mind of one of the ONLY people I WANT to bake with… that’s a very fucking short list too.. Probably should be evident by this point that she wants absolutely nothing to do with me, seeing as how she has never and will never actually TRY to plan ANYTHING. That’s the life of a Spenser.. Alone forever, solitary yet surrounded by people, the endless paradox. People say things will get better, and then make NO FUCKING STEPS to try to make things better. It’s been well proven that I’m easily forgettable, and so fucking easily replaceable, not even funny. Still so amazing how people can be so unique, yet everyone is so god damn predictable.

It’s a very frustrating concept, to know with almost compete certainty when something is actually going to happen and when it absolutely isn’t. People need to learn to realize that it’s is very easy to destroy a person. Hope is a double edged sword like that, it can keep a person going on for days, hours, weeks, however strong it is. But even hope takes fuel, it’s like a fire, if you don’t feed it with something then it will sputter out.

Terrifying... wonder how a fight with a snake would go

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 12:19:37 -0600

Terrifying... wonder how a fight with a snake would go

Wonderings of a mad Ico...

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 02:00:09 -0600

I am good at guessing. The name was initially random, I am truly a mad person now. Split into beings, each unrecognizable, but protecting the core. I just want my BEST FRIEND back..you two are the only ones I see in those spots, NO ONE ELSE. You’re ridiculous…

That sinking feeling _______________

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:47:44 -0600

When you realize the person isn’t going to respond
When you realize you forgot your keys
When your music device is dead
When you realize you had to do something today
When you pretty much know what comes next
When you realize.
When you’re forgotten
When you realize your mind will never stop
When you just don’t give a fuck anymore
When you truly realize you’re an idiot
When you realize you forgot the vanilla
When you’re out of delicious mints
When you reach the end of the chips
When you just don’t have a clue
When the coffee wears off
When you’re out of distractions
When you realize you’re just not good enough
When the song stops playing in your head
When despair starts to rear its devious head
When you start to give up
When you have lost what stability was left
When everyone is the same
When your life is like the stories you read
When the light darkens
When you can no longer deny
When the phantom beep disappears
When all hope is lost
When hope seems like a curse
When you are your own best listener left
When you start to talk to yourself again
When you start to run away
When you begin to accept the darkness
When the light fades away
When your memory rules reality
When you run from what’s right in front of you
When you hit the wall
When the world starts to burn
When you question what you once accepted
When you wait for a response that never comes
When you reject reality
When reality rejects you
When you lose your groove
When you fall out of step

So many, just so so so many

I thought

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:47:00 -0600

The three facets of my being:

Spenser: what is really feeling(duh, it is my name)
Ico (the mask, the wall, the shell, the protection)
The other one (What will never emerge)

Dear World

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:36:54 -0600

You can’t avoid everything forever, ryan had a good point in what he said:

“Seeking an escape, one may put aside all their worries and problems in an attempt to forget them for a time, but without facing these worries and problems head on, they will forever be lurking over your shoulder, disrupting all that you do.

TL;DR version: Face your problems, don’t ignore them.”

This can’t be forgotten as easily as you think. All people need is a chance.

FUCKING LEMONS MAN!

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:34:49 -0600

I’d love for life to hand me one, but it keeps handing me these damn mushrooms! I don’t like mushrooms! I’d love to get a lemon for once, but every time I reach for the damn lemon, the store seems to disappear and the lemons are gone. Can’t just wait for lemons to come to me either, it’s been this long and no trace whatsoever, so simple. Unless life doesn’t want anything to ever be alright..

feeling like quitting

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 22:55:08 -0600

feeling like quitting

So much for that idea, I'm ignored when it actually fucking matters.

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 14:29:07 -0600

fuckin hell

Mon, 28 Nov 2011 01:47:01 -0600

all I want to do is bake, seriously. why the fuck is it that it seems to be ANOTHER thing that I will never be able to do?

My own internal flame is vastly diminished. it’s been...

Mon, 28 Nov 2011 01:05:44 -0600

My own internal flame is vastly diminished. it’s been going out for a while now. The eventual result is that I’ll fade back into the darkness again. There only ever was one fuel that kept it burning.

I just want to bake..

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 22:12:11 -0600

I just want to bake..

Hey universe.

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 23:04:58 -0600

You know I’m not the wishing type. You know what I wished for on that day. The fact thst I would make such a wish should be pretty damn significant.

I still miss my best friend. Or am I meant to disappear because of a misunderstanding? I...

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:54:31 -0600

I still miss my best friend. Or am I meant to disappear because of a misunderstanding? I can’t even pass classes.. all I want is to really be able to TALK.

So fucking ridiculous! seriously… why is it that people only say things to ME and never mean...

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 22:57:19 -0600

So fucking ridiculous! seriously… why is it that people only say things to ME and never mean them at all!? It’s because I’m easy to replace, easy to forget, all that stuff.. and all it would take is to talk to at least start to fix things… fuck… all I want is my best friend back… does she want that at all?

aaaahhhhhhh

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 01:36:13 -0600

Talking is necessary.. it is agreed, and then…

Photo

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 20:49:58 -0600