The truth of my being.
When does it become too much work to try to solve some problem? I truly wonder. Especially when a person involved in the problem misunderstood one time, and then continued to make assumptions that a person is being an asshole. When, in fact, they had been the one being the most fair out of each side. So this person passes along all the assumptions and negative feelings towards myself to a mutual friend, one of my two best friends. Now this friend, she takes everything this girl says to heart, and simply because of one occurrence which shouldn’t actually mean as much as it has been stretched to mean. Due to these assumptions being passed along, the target of all the abuse is turned into a monster in each person’s eyes, no matter how far from the truth it may be. The result of such an image is this person being completely and utterly ignored, no matter how much they may try to argue for their own sake, because to other people, other arguments don’t have any place whatsoever. Once people say what they believe, that’s it, they refuse to listen to any other views.
To put it simply. Life is unfair, people over assume things far too often, and the person who tries so hard to stay neutral will always take the blame and abuse.
Sad, but true.
Gotta hate it when two of your friends come to steal your sister and don’t even mention you… deoression 1 happy 0
What’s the point?
It’s obviously evident to me now that one of the ONLY FUCKING PEOPLE that I want as my best friend wants absolutely nothing to do with me. And it sucks. Maybe because I think, but the only thing I’ve ever fucking wanted to do is bake, not go out and fuck, not become close like before. Before was not nothing, but it wasn’t so significant that I would honestly still be hung up over it. The two situations ARE similar, unless you think about it like a dense fool who only believes in what they see initially. How the situations ended was similar, barely anyone knew anything, ended as friends, and in situation 1, closer than before, in situation 2, person B is completely and utterly forgotten, replaced, treated like nothing more than a dirty rag to be thrown away. Maybe because I refuse to take sides in the other situation. I will NOT be wrapped around ANYONE’S fucking finger!! It’s an interesting concept, when people refer to indecision, it’s more a “I’m looking for someone to make decisions for me” situation. I just have a feeling that this break is going to be as I thought. I’m going to be alone pretty much the entire time until family times. Always a shitty feeling when you know that your best friend is trying to ignore you again and don’t know why.
I might as well just disappear…Pretty clear since I never get talked to.
I wonder why I try sometimes
Whenever I hope that maybe, just MAYBE we can hang out, it just so happens that I disappear from the mind of one of the ONLY people I WANT to bake with… that’s a very fucking short list too.. Probably should be evident by this point that she wants absolutely nothing to do with me, seeing as how she has never and will never actually TRY to plan ANYTHING. That’s the life of a Spenser.. Alone forever, solitary yet surrounded by people, the endless paradox. People say things will get better, and then make NO FUCKING STEPS to try to make things better. It’s been well proven that I’m easily forgettable, and so fucking easily replaceable, not even funny. Still so amazing how people can be so unique, yet everyone is so god damn predictable.
It’s a very frustrating concept, to know with almost compete certainty when something is actually going to happen and when it absolutely isn’t. People need to learn to realize that it’s is very easy to destroy a person. Hope is a double edged sword like that, it can keep a person going on for days, hours, weeks, however strong it is. But even hope takes fuel, it’s like a fire, if you don’t feed it with something then it will sputter out.
Wonderings of a mad Ico…
I am good at guessing. The name was initially random, I am truly a mad person now. Split into beings, each unrecognizable, but protecting the core. I just want my BEST FRIEND back..you two are the only ones I see in those spots, NO ONE ELSE. You’re ridiculous…
That sinking feeling _______________
- When you realize the person isn’t going to respond
- When you realize you forgot your keys
- When your music device is dead
- When you realize you had to do something today
- When you pretty much know what comes next
- When you realize.
- When you’re forgotten
- When you realize your mind will never stop
- When you just don’t give a fuck anymore
- When you truly realize you’re an idiot
- When you realize you forgot the vanilla
- When you’re out of delicious mints
- When you reach the end of the chips
- When you just don’t have a clue
- When the coffee wears off
- When you’re out of distractions
- When you realize you’re just not good enough
- When the song stops playing in your head
- When despair starts to rear its devious head
- When you start to give up
- When you have lost what stability was left
- When everyone is the same
- When your life is like the stories you read
- When the light darkens
- When you can no longer deny
- When the phantom beep disappears
- When all hope is lost
- When hope seems like a curse
- When you are your own best listener left
- When you start to talk to yourself again
- When you start to run away
- When you begin to accept the darkness
- When the light fades away
- When your memory rules reality
- When you run from what’s right in front of you
- When you hit the wall
- When the world starts to burn
- When you question what you once accepted
- When you wait for a response that never comes
- When you reject reality
- When reality rejects you
- When you lose your groove
- When you fall out of step
So many, just so so so many
The three facets of my being:
- Spenser: what is really feeling(duh, it is my name)
- Ico (the mask, the wall, the shell, the protection)
- The other one (What will never emerge)
You can’t avoid everything forever, ryan had a good point in what he said:
FUCKING LEMONS MAN!
I’d love for life to hand me one, but it keeps handing me these damn mushrooms! I don’t like mushrooms! I’d love to get a lemon for once, but every time I reach for the damn lemon, the store seems to disappear and the lemons are gone. Can’t just wait for lemons to come to me either, it’s been this long and no trace whatsoever, so simple. Unless life doesn’t want anything to ever be alright..